Meet Alex Tomok "Flip-Flop Poppy" Oates: the Everybody Man


The person who seems to know everyone, and everybody seems to feel the same way too, but what they don't know is that of the fact that they actually do NOT know the true him, heck, he doesn't even seem to understand himself, know himself, and his insecurities, as it all seems like a blur to him, a mirage of an apparition trapped in this callous state of being, hundreds of billions of uncountable atoms woven together to represent this..this unworthy object which has this ability to cry, snigger, crawl, beg for mercy, yearn for love, desire to live.

He likes to think that he is a simple man with a simple life and simple demeanour, but this intricately assembled state of consciousness doesnt allow him to react in such a manner,leaving him bemused, neurotic, cursing incessently at himself while he sleeps a million slumbers every cold, hard night. "Dumbfuck! Dumbfuck! Wake up, will you!".

Abstract kaleidescope of illusions often greet him in the wee hours of the morning, as he tries his best not to fall asleep and incur the wrath of the master of puppets; that is "Mr-I-Wanna-Make-You-Happy-For-AWhile-By-Dreaming", (Aka Mr Toaster Face). Mr Toaster face would connivingly try his utmost to try and decieve this honest little insecure boy every single night, by at first beckoning him and inviting him to an innocent game of marbles, but who would inadvertantly destroy the innocence of youth by deluding him with visions of grandeur and ravishing making-out romps, only for him to wake up and realize that it is all a lie, a staged play of deceit , which nevertheless baffled him and kept his idle mind busy as he decided upon the various possiblities of avoiding the monster and never to see his "Toaster Face" ever again.

Oates would often get in and out of different moods in the whim of a second, a flicker of a switch, a flutter of a butterfly; he would feel euphoric and in the next moment be thrown back to the stony gravel of reality, it piercing through his confidence like a stake deliriously driven through a putrid dead carcass. He smiles at the pretentiousness of self, constantly at odds with that alter-ego of his who compels him to become a hypocrite of sorts, a liar masked as a sweet-looking young man who doesn't hesitate to lend a helping hand for a good cause, albeit with hidden intentions. Behind his happiness, hides this festering swab of a wound, infested by maggots, parasites of every kind, savouring the foul-tasting heavenly meat of desire, reminding him of his favourite dish of that steaming pot of sup kambing, with roti perancis to boot.

Ahhh... how would he love to learn how it feels like to be free from inhibitions, the endless chatterings of castrated monkeys in his mind, and away from the screams of a rhinocerous as it gives birth to an amazingly cute chubby little baby boy. He would sell his soul to the Devil just to have the chance to roar! like a lion, keep an identical mane and prowl the gardens of Africa, but alas, he is trapped in the crevices of his own cramped mind, devoid of sunlight and the trappings of life that come with it.

Even, though, everymorning, Mr Alex Tomok "Flip-flop Poppy" Oates would tie his laces, carry his bag, and set off into this brand new world with that everlasting smile plastered perpetually on his face, just in case people find out about his actual insecurities if he doesn't do so.

Oates is pleasantly contented with his life, he has everything to look forward to, especially the day when it dawns upon him that this act is only transient, and that he is just a mere statistic which would return as a part of the ecosystem of the soil when the time comes.

Ho-hum. Mr Oates is definitely everyone's favourite Everybody's Man, isn't he?

Just like everyone else.



Rant 12:29 PM of Azmie
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The Ninja Muscle Hot Gila Nak Mampus Punya Holy Trinity has apparently been signed up by Twentieth Century Fox Network to become the Asian representatives for an upcoming television campaign, entitled the "Napoleon Dynamite", after apparently picking up the vibes of euphoric "Ninja Mania" all over the region, spawning bootleg websites, devoted die-hard fans, a strong shadow army of trained made men, and worthy affilates, namely the "Ninja Burger" food franchise (http://www.ninjaburger.com) and a recent release of the "Ninja Gaiden PS2 console game", which has seen strong sales due to it riding on the Muscle's popularity.

An excerpt from the website of our cool boo-wah-pley nak mampus skills is seen below:


http://www2.foxsearchlight.com/napoleondynamite/fanclub/index.php


If u haven't been forewarned of our impressive Air Pressure Ninja Kicks, then I suggest you'd better be careful and watch your smelly, rancid, putrid, foetid back every 2 seconds.

Brace yourself for the coming revolution. Haiyaak!

-Sensei Shichiroji Mimi Kosugi-san

(ps. application forms for the "Made-Man-Wannabe Ninja-Do Healthy Aerobics Workout" are available at a Community Centre near you. Just approach any enthusiastically-clapping dikir barat devotee for details.)

Rant 4:07 AM of Azmie
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Useless Serendipity

The sudden screams from the roof of his head,
breaks the silence as he lay on his bed.
When will those noisome feelings go away?
Or are they perpetually destined to stay?

Sadness and grief, burns slowly inside him,
as he engages in mindless self-deprecation,
Over these chains, that seem to fetter him
and plot his imminent damnation.

However hard he tried to stay sanguine,
this state of despondence, never fails to overrule
Enslaving him, alone, in shambles
leaving him with no way out,
as he wanders aimlessly in this maze, of confusion.

He tries his best to stay sangfroid,
Caught in a state of apparent delusion,
but whenever he seems, to regain his equanimity,
Fate somehow flings him back, with His moral intrusion.

Returning into this abyss of retrogress,
he wonders,
When will these perpetual recriminations end?
All he seems to feel, is emptiness
at those wounds, that would not mend.

So now, the waves, they have subsided
and his soul is tattered, torn, tormented.
He can't take away all the shame, he feels.

Forgive him.

Rant 11:17 AM of Azmie
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Being Left Aint Right? Hurhur

Another one of those bland 'study' trips degenerated into yet another hop down to the reference section, where i found a useful book on the "Principles of Biopsychology" by a certain Simon Green. To my amusement, there was a section entirely devoted to the enigmas of the human race: the left handed freaks. Don't get me wrong. I'm left handed myself.

What i found shocking was that the statistics for left handed people (constitutes of 10% of the world population) have been consistant for hundreds of years, which only serves the purpose that it doesnt happen by chance, but is actually dictated, either by natural selection (which is Darwin's piece of logical crap.. what we evolve from monkeys? bullshit!) or by some ethereal being controlling the nuances of Mankind. So all ya Atheists, better believe in God now okay..

Even today, life for the left handed in a right handed society is not easy: driving, and especially writing, where "going from the left to right means that the writer obscures what he/she has just written, leading to a loss of neatness (!) and fluency, and also the adoption of the "inverted writing posture".(Green) So that explains it..On why I have such horrible handwriting..which resembles ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics or upside-down Sanskrit.. damn! Not my fault! Levels of left handedness are also "Significantly higher in males, twins, in the mentally retarded, mathematicians, epileptics, dyslexics and artists"- Doesn't look too comforting for the leftists ey?

There happens to also be extreme positions in the debate of the origins of such notion of "handedness". One theory of Green is that left handedness is actually due to some sort of early brain damage (what the fuck!), for instance, at birth. The brain then reorganizes itself to cope with the damage, which why explains the sudden change in inclination. That's pretty hard to believe isn't it?

Another theory explains about Lefthandedness & the vulnerable male(Geshwind). Apparently theres an association between leftists and a number of auto-immune diseases, like migrane (spot on lah!), eczema, allergies and the sorts. Geshwind also noted that immune disorders were more common in leftists, and are also often associated with psychological problems, such as stuttering and dyslexia. And they are found more commonly in males. Damn. Which all points to one conclusion, that we (the leftist males) have pretty much a slim chance of living it up past 50, or even 40, with the odds (currently at 10952-1) being as slim as Kristen Kreuk NOT ending up as my wife! Hah! Gimme the latter ..

There also happens to be differing traits of skill advantages or impairments between the different handed. As we all know, the right handers are more inclined to the left hemisphere of the brain, and leftists vice-versa, in which the

Right hemisphere is all about:
- recognizing faces, abstract patterns, depth perceptions, environment sounds and musical tone

Versus The

Left hemisphere, which is better at:
-Words, digits, letters (visually presented), spoken words & syllables.

Fantastic. Which explains why i screw up my Math countless times.

Studies on brain-damaged patients also suggests that the right hemisphere produces negative emotions, which explains why left handers often have high chances of depression in their lives, whereas the rightists are contented with the fact that their predominant facet, the left hemisphere, produces postive emotional states. Wow. Lucky jackasses.

Oh, talking about odds, I was discussing with a certain soul about the chances of the Italians making it through to the next round of Euro, which is quite impossible, but he digressed and he proceeded to carry on the debate on the positives of the Catenaccio system (yeah right, tell Zlatan that). And when asked about the chances of Latvia against the Dutch, I offered a theory: "Well, Latvia is a predominantly industrialised country, but the farms and the agriculture sector are struggling. And you know what Latvian farmers say: Red sky at morning is a shephard's warning. But red sky at night is a shephard's delight. So lets go Dutch and bet on Ruud to deliver the goods.

After listening to my verbal barrage, he nodded appreciatively, winked knowingly and remarked:
"But remember, the ball is round."

To which i replied: "And? Annnnnddddd? Annnndddd thennnn?"

but the conversation was over and, like all those sages who have used that profound line before, he smiled slyly, delighted with himself with the jaw-dropping fact that he was on a higher intellectual plane than the rest of us minions, who would never fathom the importance it places on the space-time continuom of the Universe.

But then again, he's right. The ball IS round. And until today, I thought that it was a bloody trapezium.

And in case you were wondering where we were, it was in some celestial room, sheesha-ing and trying to emulate legendary dragons, and probably contributing to the sudden irregularity of our PSI index. All the smoke probably clouded my friend's judgement too!

Oh yeah, and we took pics too! So cute!





Rant 5:00 AM of Azmie
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A NOSTALGIC TRIP DOWN MEMORY LANE..





"Dia ingat dia pandai sangat ah tu.. Merepek kerepek nye budak2 ah.."
- Chow Yun Lif





"Ah ah.. Dah mula lah tu, nak start posing2 setep muke abang2 serious ape.. Padehal takde adat nyer manusia"
- Pang Sameon (Part-time Mat, Full-time Asshole)





"Wah, korang gembira sakan nampak.. Aku sendiri nie yg nak jaga maruah abang2 mat-mat Skudai takkan act cute mcm korang nie la.. Nie pasal aku kena ikut arahan chong aku la..korang mana tau ini semua, kanak2 hidup takda tujuan.. Takde pegangan terus! Pui!
- Jaki Jelapang (Dikir Activist with design bag w/o motorcycle licence)


Rant 10:02 PM of Azmie
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Feelings Of Emotions

In my attempt to study in WLB, I unwittingly stumbled upon several interesting studies on the links between physiology and psychology which quelled my interest in such a field. And one happened to be about an interesting analysis of Feelings of Emotions.

There seems to be an apparent direct link between the feelings of people and their subsequent reactions which confirm their feelings, but quite to the contrary of the widespread perception that feelings come first, then the physical reaction, it is rather that the reaction reacts in a vice-versa manner.

In the James-Lange theory that i stumbled upon in a book, William James (An American psychologist) and Carl Lange (Danish physiologist) argued a theory in which they state that the behaviors & physiological responses are directly elicited by situations, and that feelings of emotions are produced by feedback from these behaviours & responses.

Thus, emotion- producing situations elicit an appropriate set of physiological responses, such as trembling (when u see a hot chick),or increased heart rate (when you are feverishly making out). Oh yah, and also behaviours such as clenching of fists & kicking pple in the ribs. (That explains it, Al-Hafiz). The brain (eg Al-Hafiz's) receives sensory feedback from the muscles & from the organs that produce these responsed & it is this feeback that constitutes our feelings of emotion.

Our own emotional feelings are based on what we find ourselves doing and on the sensory feedback we receive from the activity of our muscles. When we find ourselves trembling, we experience fear. However, we normally think that the process is vice-versa, as we may think that we experience emotions directly, internally. And we may consider outward manifestations of emotions to be secondary events.

But think about it, have you ever found yourself in an unpleasant confrontation (eg. with your subject teacher) in which you discovered that you were trembling, even though you did not think that you were so bothered by the encounter? Or did you ever find yourself blushing in response to some public remark that was made about you? Or did you find tears welling up in your eyes while you watched a movie that you did not think was affecting you? What would you conclude about your emotional states in situations like these? Would you ignore the evidence from your own physiological reactions?

Thus, this is what explains why the adage "To think before you act" is crucially ironic. In essence, we cannot respond psychologically feelings-wise before the physiological response acts first, thus feelings are the results, not the causes of emotional reactions.

Even simulating an emotional expression causes changes in the nervous system. Perhaps feeback from these changes explains why an emotion can be contagious( which explains the fact that laughter, fear can be contagious.) We see someone smile with pleasure, and we ourselves imitate the smile, and the internal feedback makes us at least somewhat happier. To make it simple, we don't feel happy and laugh, we laugh (particularly when we do at Jipang), and then we feel the happiness within. So what if we happen to lose our physical abilities?

Depressingly enough, a study of patients with spinal cord damage supported the James-Lange theory, where people who could no longer feel the receptions from most of their body reported a loss of intense emotional states. And that applies to a loss of emotional love, and sex drive as well!

Damn, I think im going crazy


Rant 11:04 PM of Azmie
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Flabbergast

They said, it's okay to cry
But the stains, they linger on
Like a memory etched in stone,
painfully worn out by incessent,
tumultous weather.
But omnipresent nonetheless.

I long for those rides
To school.
Where time elapses at the flutter of an eyelid,
Whilst we had our awkward, but meaningful conversations
Even as the car moved
Like a slow-burning candle.

I long for dinner
Conversations.
Where I would whine and cry
Refusing to eat my vegetables,
And you would promptly proceed to shove it
Down my throat.

I long for those
Bathtime moments.
Where you would scrub me clean,
Even as I tried my best to resist.
Like all kids do at that age
Anyway.

I long for those times
At the beach.
Where you would throw screaming me,
Goggles and all, into the sea
In your bid to teach me, how to swim
Though I was terrified, of the raging waves.

You wanted me to overcome my fear
Can you now help me, overcome this hurt?

I long for those
Nights.
Where you would visit us,
Smuggling treats, like Vitagen
and chocolates
Through the metal grille, which separated us.
And which still does, to this day.

However painful it is to reminisce,
They are, and will, remain as memories.

What if, things hadn't turn out the way they do?

It doesn't have to be this way.

Rant 9:27 PM of Azmie
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